Here are a few facts for you...

When you're eating Macdonalds Dr.Ivan will be having a steak.

When you're drinking Ribena I'll be drinking Makers Mark straight.

You're smoking Mayfair, I'll be having hashish.

You got a stain on your shirt, I'm wearing a designer trench.

When you're in Butlins having a wank, I'll be in Amsterdam drinking coffee with my crew.

You buy a medium pizza from Dominos, I get a king size.

You probably use a bottle opener, I use my teeth.

You pay for your Yorkie bar, I pick it up, and walk out with it.

During sex once you use one condom you're done, I put a fresh one on and go again...